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“I am different, I am strange
I live only for The Mother”
-Lao Tzu
Tao Te Ching
As a child, I recall a lot of angst regarding the “facts of life.” In my family, teaching a boy about these things was a man’s job, and since my father was deceased, there was nobody around to teach me. Because of my mom’s angst about this subject, I also felt much angst. As it turns out, I had two male cousins in Ohio who would have that “talk” with me and I learned about sperm and egg and all those wonderful things. The trouble was, I had already known about these things by checking out some lay-person medical encyclopedias we had at our house in Baltimore. I didn’t tell my cousins that they were teaching me anything new, because they felt pretty important as teenage boys teaching their younger cousin about girls and boys.
But, during my growing up, and till this day, I have also had Sophia whispering in my ear regarding the “birds and bees.” What She taught was more than how babies are conceived in human beings, but how babies are conceived in relationship to how the universe operates. Her talk was truly on the “Facts of Life.” What Sophia taught is that when Lao Tzu speaks of “The Way” or “The Process” in the Tao Te Ching,” then he was speaking of how babies are conceived. The creation of blades of grass, donkeys, or even a thought was revealed by Her as one process. Hence, to speak of the learning about sexuality as the “Birds and the Bees,” in hindsight, makes sense…bees do it, birds do it…the winds in the trees do it….that’s the glory of love. And, Love or Eros is the fact of life.
The earliest memory of this teaching was when I was in 7th grade, and Mr. Hanaford was teaching us kids about Greek Mythology. On this particular day, we were learning something of Homer’s Odyssey and I became infatuated with Athena, the Goddess of Wisdom. I literally fell head over heels in love with Her and promised to marry Her. I automatically realized that Wisdom is a woman or Goddess because She conceived thought. This was the beginning of my awareness that the universe in general, and sexuality specifically, was more about process than product. What I was intuiting is that gender is more of a verb than noun.
Basically, I put two and two together by inwardly picturing penis and vagina in unison, which is reflected in Prajnaparimita’s (Wisdom of the Yonder Shore) hands in the Buddhist statue that I use on Gaia as my insignia. The Mother’s hands, and Her upward extending finger (pointing towards the heart, the fourth chakra*) emanating at the navel area (the third chakra), has deep meaning for meditation and how we live. Indeed, when we lose all sense of ourselves in that special orgasmic moment of unity, then Prajnaparimita’s finger is up (in addition to the man’s penis), meaning that we are entering into a more integrated state of mind. The implications for understanding the meaning of this in relationship to how we understand our world are enormous. It may spell whether or not we as a species will go extinct or evolve. Listen to what Sophia’s saying: The basic meaning of the symbol is that unity begets evolution….a movement towards more integrative levels of consciousness (the heart). Our division of this and that needs to stop for it is erroneous and it is hurting us. Yet even in our division we are united, for the shock and awe campaign of George Bush is an act of terrorizing a people into submission. What appears to us as divided is in unison.
These thoughts began to crystallize after a dream I had in the early 90’s, when I was in my late 30’s. This dream occurs prior to my identification of the Childhood Friend I discussed in the last blog and led to my naming Her Sophia:
I was taking a leisurely stroll through a quiet and remote wooded area. The sun’s rays shone through the trees, reminding me of spotlights on a stage. Flying amongst the trees were several birds. Their melody guided me through the woods, until their bodies lightly came to rest upon the trees’ green-leafed branches. They would first fly ahead, come to rest on a branch and then glance back towards me. I found the behavior of these little birds to be curious, while experiencing a deep peace surrounding the entire scene. Everything in this forest connected to one source.
Coming upon a clearing, I found my childhood friend standing naked in the center of an oval of some short golden grass. This layer of grass then made way to a second oval of longer golden grass, reminding me of wheat.
My eyes were opened to see the many animals that inhabited the forest around her. There were raccoons, a possum, a tiger, hundreds of birds and countless other wild species. The forest just brimmed with life. Directly across from me were two snakes. I glanced at these snakes and noticed they intertwined as they dangled from the limb of a tree. As if to return my gaze, the snakes looked towards me and began darting their tongues.
I re-focused on my friend. A light was striking her from behind, turning her skin a radiant gold. Sparks of light danced joyfully about her hair and body. I felt myself being drawn towards her by the intense power that she radiated. She was like a magnet attracting a nail.
Everything appeared centered on my friend. All the forest creatures looked towards her. She was the source of power for each creature in the forest. Even the trees appeared oriented towards their Mother and reached their mighty arms out to embrace her.
Smiling impishly and with a finger outstretched, my friend addressed me, “And I command you!” As she spoke, I felt her radiance and powers magnify. I discovered I was naked as she moved her hand, with finger still outstretched, to her side. I gazed upon her with the same love and awe I felt for her as a child. I realized she was God. The sense of her presence intensified. This presence was of such intensity that I realized the entire universe emerged from her. She was the center of being for the entire dream.
I soon figured out that the message to the dream linked to my 7th grade experience in Mr. Hanaford’s class. Just as I had intuited as a child that Athena was a Goddess because She conceived thought, then my friend was the power that conceived the dream. The woman was Athena. I eventually read Carl Jung where I discovered the Greek name of Wisdom was Sophia, and was used by early Christians and sometimes linked to the Holy Spirit. Indeed, Christ was titled the “Incarnate Sophia of God.” This caused my head to spin because before this time I had remained angry about Christianity and its egocentricity which led evils being done to people of different persuasions than them. Having Sophia as a Goddess in their history helped me to dig deeper into mystical Christianity.
I could spend hours on this dream; it is so rich with symbolism. But what I want to cover here is the oval shaped ground that Sophia stood within. The dream appeared to erupt from where She stood and where She stood was somewhat to the left of where I was. I perceived this as being “down.
The layout of this dream served in introducing me to what is called Sacred Geometry. The relationships of the snakes to me and to the Woman were a mirror to the inner nature of feminine genitalia. The snakes and I were in the same relationship to Her as ovaries are to vagina. What this means is that the snakes and I are in potential. The snakes were known as significant to me in the dream because they and I connected. I gazed at them, and they gazed back flirting their tongues. They were intertwined which spoke to the integration of Yin and Yang, which is reflected in the Hindu name of the Serpent energy “Kundalini” who is said to be sleeping in the first chakra, associated with the area below the genitals.
Kundalini is a bi-sexual name with Kunda meaning womb. This term relates to the names of the European and Middle Eastern Goddess with names such as @!$%#a, and Kunda, and ultimately refers to the derogatory term for female genitalia, @!$%#. It also relates to males that are attacked as being sissified (sisterfied) or as being a @!$%#. Lini is related to the Hindu lingam, or phallus, and is also related to words referring to a straight line. In our day and age, most of our thinking is linear. Our modern day’s growth without end mentality relates to a dream of having an erection that extends into infinity. Unfortunately we are doing this in a destructive manner. What Sophia would say to you is that your potential for evolution is indeed without end…but to get there you have to let go of the externalized growth gone wild and allow your mind to dissolve into infinity. In other words, our eyes are focused out there, like a man’s phallus, while infinity is meant to be found inwardly. Meditate for a few moments on the infinity symbol. Using the symbol below as an example, draw out the infinity symbol if you don't know what it looks like. Allow yourself a few minutes to observe it. Soon, you will have a perceptual shift in which the crisscross section appear to shift and reveal a saddle shaped oval…a 3 dimensional “0”
∞
Sit with this for a while. What are your thoughts regarding the shift from what appears to be a sideways “8” to a three dimensional saddle? Let this be the beginning of your understanding of your world...and yourself.
In the next blog, I will explore another dream and take this concept further to reveal the Feminine as being the container of evolutionary potential.
